Lazy Saturday in Alexandria, which was nice (included brunch in refectory, running errands and working out). This was much-needed downtime, as I'm finding community a little exhausting. I'm such an introvert that on Friday evenings and Saturdays, I feel the need to retreat to places where there are no other seminarians. Thankfully, that's not hard to do in the DC metro area.

I've been thinking about this in terms of parish life. Thankfully, while parishes are busy places, you're not surrounded by 50 or so people from 8 in the morning till after dinner five days a week. I hope and think that it will be okay. And I think I'll be okay here; I just need the regular time away. Also, as a fellow seminarian and introvert pointed out to me earlier today, it's a lot easier and less draining to be around people when they really know you, and I've discovered that being "on" and trying to make a good first impression for much of the time these last couple weeks has been as much work as Hebrew.

I want people to know me here and I sincerely hope that I will make meaningful connections at VTS, but as some of the newness of seminary wears off, I'm beginning to miss Oxford and Vicksburg. There, people know me and love me, even when I'm not even close to being my best self. That of course, though, is the great thing about relationship with God, who knows all of our thoughts, desires, insecurities--everything--and, as the wonderful Billie Abraham would say, loves us anyway.

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In other news, a poem from our meditative morning worship on Thursday:

FOR A NEW BEGINNING

In out-of-the-way places of the heart,
Where your thoughts never think to wander,
This beginning has been quietly forming,
Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire,
Feeling the emptiness growing inside you,
Noticing how you willed yourself on,
Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety
And the gray promises that sameness whispered,
Heard the waves of turmoil and rise and relent,
Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled,
And out you stepped onto new ground,
Your eyes young again with energy and dream,
A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear
You can trust the promise of this opening;
Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning
That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit of adventure;
Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk;
Soon you will be home in a new rhythm,
For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

--John O'Donohue
from To Bless the Space Between Us
Doubleday, NY, NY, 2008

I feel like we are unlocking the mysteries of the universe in Hebrew. For example, I knew that Psalm 119 was divided into sections headed by the letters of the Hebrew alphabet, but I sort of assumed that was just because it's really, really long. I had no idea it's one of several acrostics in the Bible and that all the words for a particular section begin with the letter that heads that section. Apparently, no one else in my class knew this either, since there was a very loud collective "oooh" as a result of this explanation. Even more fascinating, is that in Hebrew the word that means "heart" also means "mind." There's no separation between heart and mind. Astonishing. As my teacher, the fabulous Judy Fentress Williams (aka J.F.Dubs), said, the reason Hebrew is so terrific is the worldview. I think I agree.

One week of classes down. Thank goodness for Saturday and a chance to sleep in, leave the Hebrew for a while and get off campus. Here is a typical day in the life during August term, (aka "seminary bootcamp," according to some of the middlers):

7 a.m. Wake up, dress in silence (resist looking at iphone or turning on radio in order to offer prayers of thanksgiving and intercession).

7:30 Read "Dean's Commentary" online, where we find out what's going on around campus. This is a must-read, not only because he told us to read it daily but also because we're told that he will ask about the day's comments if you run into him.

7:35 Breakfast in refectory with other on-hill students ("on-hill" is VTS-speak for "on-campus"; VTS is the Holy Hill, after all).

8:15 Morning prayer, which is usually MP II with a hymn added in; Thursday morning we used a form from Southern India and sang songs in Creole as well as a Sudanese dialect.

8:45 Coffee and/or last-minute studying for Hebrew quiz.

9 Hebrew, which begins with singing the alphabet and other songs, often in rounds, then a prayer offered by a student, with part of the prayer said in Hebrew; as of Thursday, I can actually READ some words! (It's my turn to pray on Wednesday so pray for me if you're reading this before 8 a.m. CDT on 8/22.) Since I've done well on my quizzes I decided to take Hebrew for a grade (still planning to do a full year and do Greek next year). Oh, and when my teacher calls roll, we respond with the word Moses spoke when God called upon him, which is pronounced hinaynee.

11:45 Lunch in refectory (all students, staff, administrators and faculty are expected to eat lunch on campus sometime between 11:45 and 1 p.m.; this in keeping with the VTS mantra, "chapel, lunch, class").

1:00 p.m. Required writing class for all entering M.Div. students. Apparently, VTS had seen that many incoming students didn't have particularly good writing skills so they made this a required course last year.

2:30 Create flashcards for the next day's vocabulary words, study and work through exercises, with lots of breaks for reading email, checking Facebook, texting and calling friends.

6:00 Dinner in refectory with on-hill students.

7:00 Exercise and quiet time for prayer if none taken earlier in day.

8:00 Shower and study (again, with lots of breaks)

12 a.m. Bed

I can now sing the Hebrew alphabet (or aleph-bet) to the tune of "Frere Jaques," which is pretty exciting. (Next time you see me, you can request it.) Even more so is that I scored perfect on my first quiz! Now, I'm on to learning the vowels, which essentially are a series of tiny little dots or lines or dots and lines, with some more random shapes thrown in for fun. I am of course very thankful for the Masorete scholars for creating this system of dots etc. around 700 A.D. so that people like me can actually make some sense of what had originally been a vowel-less language.

I love Hebrew so far. The teacher is brilliant and keeps telling us not to panic--that we will get this. The language is beautiful, mystical, poetic and each letter--nevermind each word--is imbued with a ton of meaning. I am fascinated by all of it. You can see some of what we're doing at hebrew4christians.com (though we were warned that the theology there is not the best; our teacher said that the only real way to upset her was to read the New Testament back into the Hebrew Bible, as the site does a bit).

In other news, I had a weird and wonderful church experience on Sunday. Guilene, my friend from Haiti, asked me to accompany her to Meade Memorial in Alexandria, founded around 1870 by freed slaves who'd been members of Christ Church (where George Washington worshipped occasionally and Robert E. Lee was confirmed). Guilene has been working at Meade this summer and so asked me to go early with her to set up chairs for an outdoor service. Father Collins, the young Nigerian rector, and several of his congregation had been knocking on doors in the neighborhood (just a few blocks East of Christ Church in Old Town) inviting people to this "parking-lot service." 

Not many new folks showed up, but the regulars were very warm and enthusiastic. Most weird and wonderful was that Father Collins insisted I vest (in Guilene's white alb) and read the Prayers of the People. When I told him I'd been in seminary only a week, he laughed and said, "God is calling you." Later, he not only introduced me during the peace but made me say a few words. He very kindly said, after I thanked them for welcoming me, that they were honored to have me vest for the very first time at Meade. I was certainly honored, and I'll never forget it. 

Oh, and after the service, the LEM asked if I'd like to see an embalming. He smiled and explained he owned a funeral home and had special permission to let clergy and clergy-to-be watch him work. He gave me his card and said Saturdays were good. I kind of would like to see that, since dealing with death will likely be a big part of my future employment, and hope to call him up some time.

An extremely full week and I am kind of wiped out by now. Highlights:

As far as conflict goes, I tend to avoid and accommodate. I was a bit worried till all the avoiders and accommodators had to raise our hands and the vast majority of us had hands in the air. Apparently, according to one of my Theology and Practice of Ministry teachers (we haven't started the class yet but took several inventories today), most Episcopal clergy avoid and accommodate. Not always a bad thing, but hopefully over the next few years I'll also learn to collaborate and compromise when necessary.

Speaking of TPM, we met briefly to discuss what the class will be like and also to hear about our different options for the 15 service hours required. I'm hoping to work either with women recently released from jail, a population of both men and women recently released, or homeless single women in DC. Looking forward to finding out my assignment soon.

Morning prayer is terrific and it's good to hear so many voices reciting psalms and prayers and singing hymns. The acoustics in the interim chapel are really quite good.

There was a wonderful trip to Target that included Jacob from South Sudan, whose wife and two small children still live very near the border with Sudan. He's ordained already but is here working on an MA degree. He told me that they can always hear shooting around his house.

And last, for some odd reason I don't quite understand (which means I probably need to do some more reflecting about this, as they say), the learning styles inventory stressed me out a little. Maybe it was that with any sort of inventory where you're not really supposed to think but to just mark the answer that most instantly appeals to you (we actually got to think about our answers to the conflict inventory), I always wonder why the answer that appeals to me first does in fact do so. Is it because that's what I really think/feel, or is it because I know different answers yield different results? Invariably, then, I always end up second-guessing.

So after trying really hard not to second-guess and also not to mark the answers that I think will yield the results I want, all while trying to answer as honestly and quickly as possible, the "kite" drawing that was supposed to appear when I plotted my results didn't match any of the kite examples in the book. And then the description that the book gave me for my "type," after plotting said results on yet another graph, kind of sounded like me but only sort of. But then none of the other descriptions really did either. So here's just hoping that whatever type of learner I am, I am the kind who's brain can learn Hebrew.

Learning styles notwithstanding, I really love seminary, and remain extremely thankful to be here among a group of pretty remarkable people. (Hopefully it's a love that won't wain after classes start on Monday.)

Last night, unable to fall asleep, which is pretty typical for me in new surroundings, I was listening to the podcast for the NPR show "To the Best of Our Knowledge." The guest, who's name I can't remember, was a physicist adamant in his position that all who believe in God are "intellectually lazy." Not really a great thing to hear on your first day of seminary orientation. Or, maybe actually a really good thing to hear.

Earlier in the day, Dean Ian Markham told us in his welcoming address that if we leave VTS thinking it's okay to skip a day spending time in personal prayer, the faculty and administration will have failed us. I choose to believe this. My grandmother's uncle once told me that we believe in God mostly because if we look around and really pay attention to our lives, we know there is God. And if I look at my path to this place, I can't imagine it was anything other than God that brought me here.

Even so, I sometimes find myself praying to be helped in my unbelief. Yesterday was full-up with orientation activities (and I bought my Hebrew book!), but in the middle of all that was a Eucharist. We sang one of my favorite hymns, "Come Though Fount of Every Blessing." I love the lines, "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above." My skin felt a little electrified during the whole service, and especially as we sang that hymn, and again, I can't imagine it was anything but God that brought me here.

Day three at VTS and so far so good, thanks be to God. I arrived safely on Saturday afternoon, stayed in VTS guest housing and then moved all my stuff in on Sunday morning when the dorms opened, with lots of help from VTS middlers and also from fellow Mississippians Morris and Emily Thompson, who arrived earlier in the summer. Had a great brunch at the "cafe" on campus (which happens to have a full bar) before getting everything organized Sunday afternoon.

(Arrival here was pretty incident free, except for the fire alarm that went off Saturday evening in guest housing while I was in the shower--I was outside barefoot and with wet hair for a while until Alexandria FD came and determined there was no fire.)

I'm not quite sure how I scored the dorm room I'm in but it's huge, with lots of storage, and I have a terrific view of the patio where people congregate to discuss deep theological issues. St. George 205 will be my home for this year at least and I'm hoping maybe VTS will give me the same room next year (everyone has to move everything out of the dorm every year, since VTS uses them for other programs during the summer).

I've met terrific people so far. My next-door neighbor is a very sweet younger woman from southeastern Haiti, and Tanzania, the Philippines and Israel are also represented. And although most students I've met are from the Southeast and Mid Atlantic, there are also several students from New York State here this year, along with one or two people from every other region of the country.

I have one more day of getting settled before we start full bore tomorrow. The middlers who are around (most of them are still off finishing their CPE) keep telling us incoming juniors how exhausting August term is, as far as the busy-ness of it. And judging from the schedule, it looks like they're not exaggerating. Tomorrow we start at 9 and our last meeting is at 6:30--a pretty full day. Included in tomorrow's schedule is a session introducing us to the Biblical languages, a noon Eucharist, a session on community and spiritual life, something called the "Spirituality of Transition" and a host of other informational sessions. We'll have three days of that before starting language classes on Monday.

Speaking of languages, I think I'm going to start with Hebrew this year and try to learn some Greek next year. I'd been planning to take Greek, but I"m told the Hebrew teacher for this year is pretty great and also that if you want to do both languages, it makes sense to start with Hebrew. I very much hope my brain can learn Hebrew.